Me: I was a regional manager of Toys R Us between 1995 and 2008.
Interviewer: It says here on your resume you were born in 1999, and you moved to Australia in 201x.
Me: ummmmm
“They made a lot of strange decisions before they shut down”
“Toys R Us invested heavily in both time and inter-dimensional travel. As a result I’ve lived a thousand lives in service of the giraffe.”
I like the cut of your jib. You’re hired!
Did you ever see Doogie Howser, M.D.? I’m like that, except for middle management, and a lot younger. Got my MBA when I was still living in my parents.
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no one is hiring someone solely based upon your experience of working at any of those locations … Ever.
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Nearly every HR (realistically any job that earns over 65k a year) have systems like TheWorkNumber, ADP, Credit Bureaus to get your employment records.
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If you done fucked up, they can request tax records and I can guarantee you that all those businesses you listed very much have their tax records available from the IRS.
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This idea worked like 10 years ago… Even shitty HR have figured this out by now.
I mean, no one is hiring me one way or the other, but with that method I can look at my CV and feel I accomplished something. So, that’s good.
Ah, but what if you live in a non English speaking country?
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That’s why my CV looks so strong:
Director of Internal Audit; Enron Corp. (1998-2001)
Senior Vice President for Risk Management; Lehman Brothers (2002-2008)
Edit: for all the recruiters reaching out, I’m not interested. I’m currently Managing Director for Growth (Europe) at Tesla, and expecting to get a huge bonus after our Q4 2025 sales numbers are final.
Head of security, Wold Trade Centre, NY, 1995-2001.
- Head of QC for O-Ring production, NASA, Jan 1983 - Oct 1986
- Pipeline Integrity Officer, Exxon Valdez, Oct 1986 - March 1989
- Chief of Security and Intelligence, Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, Mar 1989 - Apr 1995
- Head of QC for O-Ring production, NASA, Jan 1983 - Oct 1986
I think you mean you worked for Morton Thiokol if you were in QC. I know, because I was in rocket component procurement at NASA around the same time, and I remember the contract very well for… reasons…
I see from your resume that you’re good at looking the other way while we make billions. You’re hired.
PLEASE
Didn’t you also help found that FTX crypto exchange a few years ago too?
I just now realized: someone has the most cursed resume on LinkedIn. I’d expect something in line with this.
“So tell me, is it a coincidence that all the companies you worked for went bankrupt?”
“I tried to save them but… they didn’t listen”
As someone who was a “store manager” at a franchise with only 2 employees (including myself) this is kinda real. I left in 2012 because even in my early 20s I could see the direction things were going because of corporate mismanagement.
Well hey, if it isn’t Mr. Manager of the banana stand
That’s why you have to keep it modest at ‘regional manager’, significant enough to be useful looking, insignificant enough so you can’t possibly be to blame for the downfall of the company.
Does toys r us not exist anymore?
Imagine this guy just woke up from a 30 year nap in a cryotube in a desert wasteland
Boy do I have some bad news for you
Nah, it’s fine. We have TikTok.
I’ve been to a toys r us in the last 30 years 🤔
Wonder when they closed then. I don’t actually spend that much time in the united states.
So last year? That’s not too long ago and here I am being called old by others…
You cant prove i didnt own all of em: think the smrartest
Uhhhhh, that just means you’re a terrible businessman, who ran a long standing major chain into the ground.
yeah, but you can’t prove i DIDN’T do that
I ran Circuit City. All of them.
