I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.
So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.
But what do you do now that there’s no queen?
This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
That’s a real group of bros
Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.
I already do that. Urinals don’t have tp for pp.
You mean you don’t vigorously shake piss droplets all over the place?
The comic for the women’s bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.
Hah, I’ve literally been there. Imagine a 9’x9’ prison cell with two men, steel bunk “beds”, and a solid steel toilet. Also, you’re high on suboxone because there’s not much else to do in prison.
You’re a grown man, standing facing the toilet with wiener in hand, with another grown man’s head like 3 feet behind your ass. Standing there for what feels like eternity. And you’re thinking “Oh shit. He’s going to think I don’t know how to piss or something. This is weird. His head is way too close to my ass. Fuck, I’d better not fart. I forgot how pain killers and shit can make you unable to piss. It’s got to be the sub I took. I have to go so bad but I don’t know how to make it work. I did forget how to pee!”
And as you panic, your bunkie finally says something like “What the fuck, dude? Did you forget how to piss?” and all of your fears come true.
I wish I could sit down when I pee, but my dick and balls are so long they get dunked when I do so. 😔
I know what you mean, my dingley dangleys are so big that i have to use a hand rail to support the weight shift when i unsheathe 😔
I’ve got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there’s any chance I’ll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I’m in front of the urinal, it’s not difficult to start the stream quickly.
There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used “the trick” as usual. I get there, and there’s a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.
Of course, in all likelihood, “the trick” won’t continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I’ll be the other guy.
Honestly, leaving ultra quickly is the kindest thing you can do if he’s struggling.
So what? Everyone needs to be held once in a while, including my weener. It’s very comforting.
Here’s some advice I received years ago for this very situation: if you’re struggling to piss due to stage fright, imagine pissing on the head of someone you hate. Really imagine it. Imagine micturating all over their hair (or their scalp), the aghast expression, then them spluttering while trying to mouth ‘What the fuck?’ it does work. I don’t know why it works - and I most definitely don’t want to know - but it does work.
You’re all most welcome :)
Now I’m erect and peeing is even harder?
Is this kink specifically about pissing on people you hate, or is it just generally pissing on people that brings mr peepee to attention?
The solution to this problem is simple: Just don’t use a public bathroom… the world is a giant, enormous shitter with endless and diverse opportunities to more or less hide behind something and let it flow.
Why let yourself be trapped and domesticated? Your Dick wants FREEDOM!
This is one of the reasons why I don’t understand how other men use urinals. Like how do you manage the absolute lack of privacy?? And I’m not even talking about hygiene (you don’t use toilet paper when using a urinal)
Urinals are so weird. I only use them if there is no free or reasonable clean stall. Sitting down to pee is in every way superior.
Sitting down to do it isn’t quite as fast since you’re dropping drawers, and the seat can be a catastrophe that you’d rather not touch on occasion. Nonetheless we should pee as like.
Why not raise the seat and pee while standing? It’s a little bit trickier since you have to have a good aim, but it’s as quick as with urinals but you get the privacy
I’ll do that if the seat is visibly nasty in public restrooms. But generally, maneuvers like this are what makes public restrooms nasty in the first place. So I try to avoid that, even with the seat up.
When I was in boot camp for the Marine corps the rule was three to a urinal. And when we went out to the rifle range for a week or whatever, the toilets were just in a room, six toilets, not a wall in sight, in just a room. I was fortunately not piss shy, but they definitely force it out of you if you are. Fortunately, by the time we were at the range, privacy had stopped being a concern.
This was 2009 when boot camp was still segregated men and women.
That is quite brutal. But it does seem to be very effective. This is interesting. Thanks for sharing your story!
I solved my issues with urinals by simply removing my ability to use a urinal.
This for some reason reminds me of when my friend in elementary had a thorn in their finger and their genious idea was, and I’m not even joking (somehow), “if my finger is hurting, wouldn’t removing the finger also remove the hurting since in order for my finger to hurt, I need a finger”, which while true, they not only failed to see how that the long term not-having-a-finger may not be a good trade off for the short term lack of hurt, but also the fact that removing a finger ALSO HURTS and a lot more at that!!! (they were stopped from acting on the brilliant idea ofc)
And yes, that is one of my still closest friends, and yes, they are the factually smartest person I know including my former college professors…
which while true
Actually, from what I’ve heard from amputees, that’s not true at all.
I mean, yeah, phantom pain is a thing, but a 7yo me didn’t know that tbf :P
I never had this problem when I was younger. Until the day I had a medical examination to be drafted and they wanted me to give them a urine sample and I couldn’t. They offered me lots of water (which I drank) but still I couldn’t pee for what felt like an hour. Ever since I had problems relaxing.
Takes about that long for the water to get through you. It has to be absorbed but your digestive tract, adopted into the bloodstream and filtered out by the kidneys, all of which is pretty slow.
“He clearly thinks I’m a homosexual”
This is definitely why I sit to pee and it has absolutely nothing to do with being an egg at all.
