… but if you were to call the cops on me at least it would be a brief yet welcome reprieve from parenting while they come to the inevitable conclusion that he is mine and they don’t want him around either

So this one time I was like three and being too quiet. I don’t remember this. Apparently I had climbed up the upright grand piano and gotten scared of heights. I pressed myself against the wall and was whispering “^help” over and over. Not too loud, because I was worried I’d get in trouble for climbing on the piano, but I needed help.

I was a high energy child. I learned to stop my bicycle at first by jumping off it onto grass hopefully and letting the bike crash. It must have been a nightmare for my parents to watch. So any extended silence was suspicious.