Fascism will conquer the world.

Chronologically, Tyrannosaurus rex was closer to humans than to sauropods.

How do I convert?

“I’m white, male, and Christian! Surely the police state isn’t for me!”

And don’t call me “Shirley.”

This is fascism. The United States is now a fascist country. If you didn’t vote, or made some third party protest vote, you voted for fascism. Now there’s no going back.

Well paint me orange and call me Your Highness. That just proved the entire Holey Bibblez. There goes my whole world view.

Fascism has won. There’s just too much fake information out there, and any amount of debunking won’t stop the unwashed majority from believing it.

If there’s a draft, I hope the MAGAs cry when their kids and grandkids get dragged off to boot camp.

And the leopards are planning a big face BBQ.

When did Vampire Weekend become “classic rock.”

Everyone around him is trying to choke back a gag. The smell must be bigly.

“Just learn to kiss some ass. That man has the power to fire you! When he says come in on Saturday, show up on Sunday also too!”

– My Silent Gen parents, every goddamn day

The completely unrealized irony.

“Dang Nancy, that’s some tasty shit,” said Ned stonedly. “Wanna fool around?”

Shaking her titian hair, Nancy replied sweetly “I’d rather just be friends, you ineffective little wimp. Now help me with this groovy mystery.”

San Diego would be part of Arizona?

The Zonies would like that.

Clit Destroyer 3000

“I’m literally made out of one of your bones! And you STILL can’t find it?”

I remember having to use Norton for that.

“And I would’ve got away with it, if it weren’t for you MEDDLING MARXISTS!”

Next pandemic, CDC will tell us to fuck off and eat ivermectin.